This is me

Earlier this summer a person told me that I was doing things they never would have thought I could do and how great it was, how great I was. I told them it was crap. I wasn't doing anything great because I wasn't. I was doing things because I was running or rather my sense of running. I had three jobs to get away from everything I was feeling. It helped distract me. I jumped before I was ready with things like my mother and then I would have major freak outs. I was far from great. I was barely hanging on and the only thing that kept me going was the promise I made to myself. I said I wouldn't ever be the person I was the year before. I wouldn't go back to that. I felt like that person at times but somethings were different. I was more social. I didn't stay in my room all the time. I was sure to do something that made my happy multiple times a week. I cried close to everyday. I didn't feel like I wasted my summer though. I had some really awesome times with people and I let myself be crazy and awkward.

That person came up to me today and said that statement, not like he/she would, but if someone did I would agree with them. I am not running now. I'm living. I have two jobs, school, church, and rugby. I'm doing things I would have been to afraid to do before. I am making new friends and expanding my horizons. I'm not slacking off in school nearly as much (even though I'm not studying right now) and I'm reaching out more than I ever have. I'm honest with myself. I hangout with my family more now. My dad and I actually talk. It's nothing really deep but we do talk and it's a lot more than we used to.

I've been thinking about all this recently. I don't like people to tell me they're proud of me if they don't have a legitimate reason to be. If you want to be "hey I'm proud of you" I don't want it to be because I was doing things to run away from my problems. I don't want people to be proud of me for something I'm not proud of me for. Yea I worked an insane amount of hours and I'm not sure how I managed it but I didn't do it because I wanted to challenge myself. The things I'm doing now are challenging me. Rugby is challenging me. School is challenging me. God is challenging me. I am proud of myself for what I'm doing now. It's legitimate.