3 Js from last week

I know this is slightly late considering it's now Tuesday. But better late than never right?

Junk: I had a bunch of junk with work this week. I ended up working 11 extra hours at Price Chopper. It was very chaotic and stressful

Joy: I was able to listen to piano music at the end of the previous week from David and I was able to listen Destiny play as well. The piano is honestly my favorite instrument. I also met a ton of people this past weekend. All of them were really awesome people that I plan on hanging out with as much as possible. I hung out at ihop until nearly 4am with a bunch of Matt and Andrew's friends. I loved how everyone was different yet accepting of each other. It was really cool. The second group of people I hung out with were all hardcore Christians and I actually knew most of them to some extent. They have a lot to do with my Jesus moment

Jesus: Friday night Marie and I were going to hang out at her church thing. Well I was roped into staying late at work so instead we all just met up at Nathan's house to hang out. We were playing halo reach when Marie left to go get Ricky (her brother) and we they came back everything was put on hold. Ricky was fired up and said we had to stop what we were doing and listen because this really big thing was happening. Basically, this girl we work with was struggling with her life and asked Ricky about some things and he knew this was an oppurtunity to bring God into her life. He ended up calling her to tell her all the answers and things he wanted to say while we stayed inside and prayed. It was amazing. Nathan ending up apologizing to me later about it being awkward and I told him it wasn't at all. It was.... wow. That's all I can really say. Most of the Jesus and God events happen at church or with the people I attend church with. It was crazy awesome. I really loved it.

This is me

Earlier this summer a person told me that I was doing things they never would have thought I could do and how great it was, how great I was. I told them it was crap. I wasn't doing anything great because I wasn't. I was doing things because I was running or rather my sense of running. I had three jobs to get away from everything I was feeling. It helped distract me. I jumped before I was ready with things like my mother and then I would have major freak outs. I was far from great. I was barely hanging on and the only thing that kept me going was the promise I made to myself. I said I wouldn't ever be the person I was the year before. I wouldn't go back to that. I felt like that person at times but somethings were different. I was more social. I didn't stay in my room all the time. I was sure to do something that made my happy multiple times a week. I cried close to everyday. I didn't feel like I wasted my summer though. I had some really awesome times with people and I let myself be crazy and awkward.

That person came up to me today and said that statement, not like he/she would, but if someone did I would agree with them. I am not running now. I'm living. I have two jobs, school, church, and rugby. I'm doing things I would have been to afraid to do before. I am making new friends and expanding my horizons. I'm not slacking off in school nearly as much (even though I'm not studying right now) and I'm reaching out more than I ever have. I'm honest with myself. I hangout with my family more now. My dad and I actually talk. It's nothing really deep but we do talk and it's a lot more than we used to.

I've been thinking about all this recently. I don't like people to tell me they're proud of me if they don't have a legitimate reason to be. If you want to be "hey I'm proud of you" I don't want it to be because I was doing things to run away from my problems. I don't want people to be proud of me for something I'm not proud of me for. Yea I worked an insane amount of hours and I'm not sure how I managed it but I didn't do it because I wanted to challenge myself. The things I'm doing now are challenging me. Rugby is challenging me. School is challenging me. God is challenging me. I am proud of myself for what I'm doing now. It's legitimate.

Rugby

I had my first rugby practice Tuesday night. It was the coolest thing since Koolaid.
I love it more than any other sport. I might just love it more than basketball. I learned how to throw and catch the ball. It's different than football. You can't throw the ball forward only sideways and backwards. It takes a little getting used to. After our coach taught me that, she showed me how to ruck (similar to tackling). Then I did some drills. I was told I was picking it up pretty well. My main problem was I wasn't confident in what I was doing and I kept hesitating at first or I would forget to step into my throw. I just have to work on some technique issues and essentially just play. Submerge myself in the game and stop thinking about what the next step is as much. Our next practice is tonight. I already bought my ball and mouth guard. I just have to pick up some cleats and I'm set to go.

Who's right?

People tend to be either religious, spiritual, or non believing. To be spiritual means that you believe in God but you don't necessarily believe in a denominational church such as Baptist, Catholic, Lutheran, and so on. People consistently argue about whether or not which if any are the "right" church. I believe that they are all right and none of them are right as well.

Religion is a paradox. People who attend church are not saints and without sin. They mess up just like the people who don't go to church. The people who don't attend a service aren't evil either. People are a mixture of black and white, blessed and wicked. The same holds true for the churches. They are ran by man. Yes, it is in the spirit of God which ultimately tilts the leveler to blessed but that doesn't mean that the church is always right. We know this with the scandals that have occurred. Catholics know this very well. Catholicism is the oldest form of Christianity and has had it's share of mistakes throughout it's history.

I love being Catholic. I love my church and all the people in it. I don't always agree with the church though. However, I do agree with the majority of it. I believe in structure and in going to mass. Mass is similar to a class. We participate in learning about God through the readings and teachings. It stays fresh in our minds this way. I'm not perfect and I do miss some services but it's easier to see how much mass effects my life.

There have been time periods where I didn't attend mass.I also didn't think as much about God and my amount of praying also decreased. I believe in order to be present in your belief church is a key source. It's similar to any career. To stay updated and present in it, one must do some reading and further learning. That is why church services are important.

Which services is right one to attend though? Only you can decide that. Everyone talks to God in their own unique way, even within the same church. People should go to the church that they feel most comfortable in, that helps them further their faith the most. Every church congregates for the same reason: to pray, learn, and worship God. It is the same God in all the christian churches. Each one is simply talking to God in a different way.

3 Js

Junk: All the ridiculous drama people start. People whom you've never even actually met. I let it get to me and was upset and angry about it.

Joy: Hanging out with my friends and meeting some super awesome people. I was able to see Krissy and hang out with Kailee with week. Kristen and I have talked all week like normal and today she just kept me rolling.

Jesus: I met a guy yesterday and he asked me if I went to church and we talked a little about God and religion. It was cool. It's hard to come by people who are passionate about their faith.

Acceptance

This week I've been thinking about "fitting in" and being accepted by other people. Youth starts next Sunday and high school kids tend to have a tough time with this. Correction many people seem to have a tough time with this. I've learned something through participating in our youth program.

First, all my most successful and legitimate friendships are people I attend church with. They are the ones that last, the ones that are always there, they are the most consistent.

Secondly, these people know who I am. They know where I've been and where I want to go. They accept me for simply being me. They accept that I am a sometimes crazy rambunctious person and other times I am extremely quiet or serious. They accept my goofy and random attitude and my seriousness in my faith. I'm not perfect and I do somethings that are against the church but I honestly love being Catholic. I love my church and everyone there.

Fitting in and having a billion friends is obnoxious if you aren't showing your true colors. If a person can't except you JUST as you are then it isn't worth it. Being fake and following the crowd isn't something that will make you successful. Eventually, the people will see the real you and not the person you are trying to be and there is a good chance they will ditch you. It's more important to have friends that know the real you. They will be legitimate companions. They will help you grow and mature.

I'm a goofy, awkward girl. I love to learn new things and I tend to push myself to the limit. I'm devoted to the things I love and I tend to follow through with all the decisions I make. I will be there for anybody. I work more than I should and I am just recently starting to cut back to fit more God and me time in my life. I have a terrible temper at points but I've yet to get into an actual fist fight with anyone. I have freak out attacks when people get close to me. I would die for my brothers. Yeah there are a ton of my friends that don't know nearly everything about me but they know what I'm about. Those people that love me for simply being me are the people I want to be awesome friends with. I'm not going to put on a show and be something I'm not. The real question is are you?

The 3 Js

Today I decided to listen to some of my pod casts and one of the things I subscribe to is "In Between Sundays." You guys should check it out. One of the things they discussed was the three Js of every week: Junk, Joy, and Jesus. I think I'm going to start doing these at least once a week. Anyone who wants to do this too is more than welcome.

Junk: My junk last week was all the stressing about one of my friends. It affected my sleep especially the late night phone calls.

Joy: I found out I was one of the 5 kids who received over an 80% on my history test.

Jesus: Sunday we had a meeting to start our youth/confirmation nights. We discussed how we wanted the year to go. We have some new adults helping out this year. Our team is slightly small at the moment but I'm pretty excited for the year to start.

The brain is an amazing organ. It controls everything, your emotions, your personality, your memory. It can block out traumatic or stressful events. It can also return memories you thought you put away. A scent, a saying, a dream can bring things back with perfect clarity. Sometimes I wish it couldn't do those things.

Reflection with teacher comments

being a 13 year old girl made it rather difficult to talk to him no doubt

When I think of my mom, she is who I picture. She has been there for me through everything. I couldn't ask for a better mom. at least she was able to connect with you

I just wanted to meet people and have fun. After our annual retreat, Search, things changed Wow-they still do that program? I was involved in the founding of this. We used to do one a month at the dioceasan level I thought this was really cool. I haven't met any teachers who knew what search was. We briefly talked about it after class.

Friends are something else that shapes us. Do we also shape them? I believe we do. In any friendship both people play a part in the other person's actions

We confided in each other and always understood what the other one was going through. It's rare to find a friend that good I know it is. I knew it at the time too.

Unfortunately, friendships dissolve and people grow apart and don't always cross paths again. It takes work to maintain the friendship I know this. It's the other people that need to figure it out. I constantly try with people and it's dang near impossible for me to walk away. I think people who know and realize that tend to think they can walk all over me. I think many people believe it should be easy and anything that requires legit effort isn't worth it. They won't get far in life.

What role do you play in the process?
I'm still figuring that out.

Reflection: Who makes you the person you are?

Our parents shape our lives from infancy. They provide us with their genetic make up, our looks, our characteristics. They along with our other relatives raise us and teach us through out our life. It all starts there. I started life with my parents who were still kids themselves. Their relationship didn't work and I along with my sister ended up in the custody of my mother. It stayed that way until the end of my freshman year. Conflicts had been going on for a few years and during this particular year it was too much. I ended up being removed from her custody and placed in my dad's near the end of the year. I lived with a friend until the school year ended then I moved to Missouri.

Living with my dad was quite different. For starters, I now had two stable parents and two very young brothers. I realized my dad wasn't the super hero I had always dreamed him to be and being a 13 year old girl made it rather difficult to talk to him. Christy, my step-mom, reached out and we soon developed a strong bond. When I think of my mom, she is who I picture. She has been there for me through everything. I couldn't ask for a better mom.

I started my Sophomore year at Ray-Pec knowing no one. I ended up meeting Jake during one of my classes though. We became friends and since we were both catholic he introduced me to St. Sabina. I hadn't been to church in years and at first I wasn't interested in going for the right reasons. I just wanted to meet people and have fun. After our annual retreat, Search, things changed. I wanted to be there and I have been extremely involved ever since. This past year I directed Search. It was my favorite Search by far. That year I was searching to forgive my mother for everything and I was able to a few months later. Not to mention that I had a great team and I was able to share the weekend with my current best friend, Megan.

Friends are something else that shapes us. They show us who we are and who we can be. I've had some amazing friends since I've moved here. Brooke and her family (the Samsons) helped me expand on my faith. They are my spiritual family, since no one in my own house goes to church. Brooke is essentially my sister. We have known each other for 5 years now and we've been through a lot. She has witnessed all my ups and downs since I moved here. We don't always see eye to eye but somehow we find ways to always support each other. Brooke introduced me to Andrew. At times she wished she didn't. Andrew and I ended up dating and that relationship was an epic fail. We have repaired it and now we are good friends but it took a long time to get there. Through Andrew I met many people though. People I won't ever forget. Kristen and Megan are two of those people. When I met them I couldn't go further down. I was broken and had no where to go but up. Kristen started me on this. We talked most days and listened to each others difficulties. One day we were talking about her and I said numerous things that seemed to help her and that restored my faith. She helped me want to make a legit effort again. She is one of my closest friends today. Megan was different from everyone. During the Andrew era we never became friends or talked and then somehow things changed. We started talking periodically and soon it was all day, everyday. We confided in each other and always understood what the other one was going through. We always supported each other and had the best communication. She helped me take risks and reach out to people even when I was terrified. Her support and belief in me help me tremendously. She noticed how hard I had been trying and knew the person I wanted to be. Unfortunately, friendships dissolve and people grow apart and don't always cross paths again.

One other friend that influences my life is Krissy. She always is on my side even when I'm not. I met her during my first Search as a team member and we've been on two mission trips that have brought us closer together. Krissy makes me want to be a better person and a better role model. Her and I are able to goof around and dance in the rain all day and at the end of it have a serious conversation. She went away to college but so far that hasn't stopped our friendship. We still randomly call each other to provide some sunshine and a good laugh or serious talk. She always seems to brighten my day.

A novel can be written about the people that have changed our lives. Some people come to teach us a lesson, to introduce us to something new. Other are here for much longer. We can effect how much influence a person's gives us as well. If we are ready and willing to let people into our lives, into our hearts, they can change everything.

New School Year

I've been in school a week now and I pretty much know how my classes are going to go. My practicum class was moved to Monday nights which is slightly annoying because now I'll have to ask for another day off work. Philosophy is going to be my favorite class. Our instructor is hilarious and straight forward. We have reflection papers we have to write over the semester. I'll try to post them on here.